stripesdontmakeyoustraight:

stripesdontmakeyoustraight:

If you ever think you did something embarrassing just remember that I had a really hot waiter one time and i was gonna order double pepperoni pizza but I looked him dead in the eye and accidentally asked for double penetration pizza in front of my whole family

Stop reblogging my failure

View text
  • 20 hours ago
  • 46448

stonedape659:

wizcoylifa:

dear coca cola company,

i drank some of your POWERADE drink and im still weak as fuck when will the power begin to kick in? please reply soon, i just sent a mass text to my entire school saying i would beat up the football team this friday

Dear Gatorade company

I drank some of your Gatorade drink and I’m still human as fuck, when will the alligatorness begin to kick in? Please reply soon I just sent a mass text to the entire zoo saying I would devour the lion exhibit this Friday

View text
  • 20 hours ago
  • 94285

drunktrophywife:

drunktrophywife:

Why did they call it the dark ages???

Because there were so many knights!

View text
  • 20 hours ago
  • 37621

wizcoylifa:

dear coca cola company,

i drank some of your POWERADE drink and im still weak as fuck when will the power begin to kick in? please reply soon, i just sent a mass text to my entire school saying i would beat up the football team this friday

View text
  • 20 hours ago
  • 94285

bestnatesmithever:

This post goes out to the troops

View video
  • 21 hours ago
  • 6492
View photo
  • 21 hours ago
  • 60949
View photo
  • 21 hours ago
  • 33062
View photo
  • 21 hours ago
  • 197917
View photo
  • 21 hours ago
  • 25207
View photo
  • 21 hours ago
  • 32791
x